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| Me + Spanky |
I've been on a slight high when I realized that I had zero anxiety hopping onto my friend's stallion, Spanky, to do my first beginner barrel racing group lesson last week. I did not once think a single thought or let them get all tangled in my head picturing the worst that could happen. I just hopped up there, and he is the perfect gentleman.
I was anxious about giving the lesson because I wanted the kids to feel like they learned something, had fun, and found an appreciation for the sport. But that didn't translate to my riding at all, which I have struggled with recently, specifically with my red mare, PopTart.
I did put into practice the thought process of telling myself that I was EXCITED rather than anxious to do the class and ride a new horse. I kept repeating that to myself, and then once the class got started I was so focused on helping the kids and answering their questions and giving them critiques and encouraging them that I completely forgot anything about myself.
Since PopTart is currently pregnant I don't really have to worry about riding her currently, so my goal is to ride a bunch of different horses. Just get on them and go because I know I have the skills in the logical side of my brain; it's just that pesky emotional side that wants to play a montage of everything that *could* go wrong as I start to swing my leg over.
I do believe that repetition is the only way to truly master something and for me right now that repetition is just riding and riding again. Then getting on another horse and riding it until that emotional side of my brain accepts that I am a good rider and that I don't need to create a situation where there is none.
I just need to drown out that voice that told me for years and years that I wasn't a good rider despite never actually seeing me ride. The voice that told me that I would never make it in the horse industry. The voice that made fun of my looks, my talents, my likes, my dislikes, pretty much everything about me as they tried to change me into someone completely different than myself.
And personally, I think that the sound of hoofbeats as I do the thing that fills my soul with joy is the way to drown it out.
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