Bash & JJ
JJ
This is the second post in a new series about horses that I connected with. Not all of them are mine, and not all of them I knew for a long time. Like with people there are horses that we connect with more strongly than others. I used to struggle with that, but it's really okay. I love them all, of course, and I will always treat every horse with dignity and respect.
TW: horse cancer, euthanasia, animal death
The first time I met JJ I was sure he would be mine. M said he had an owner, and I couldn't just claim other people's horses. But I knew.
JJ had cancer and his previous owner wasn't treating it. He would lose and gain weight constantly, and his feet always were getting abscesses. They were an older couple who had their own health issues, so they honestly just did not have the energy or time to properly care for him.
When we were leaving the boarding stable and moving onto our own horse property, I contacted his previous owner and said I was ready to take JJ. And she let me have him.
From there we did a resection of the cancer, sent it off for pathology, and after that a year of chemo cream applied to the area every week, and cryotherapy to shrink the mass every few weeks. Finally, the vet said that outside of a full surgery to remove everything, which would be hard on him at his age, there was nothing else to do. He began to not be able to keep the weight on shortly after that and the vet suspected that the cancer had likely spread.
JJ lived with us for about three years before it was time. He had started to be unable to keep weight on at all despite us previously being able to stabilize his fluctuating weight, and the winter was coming. Rather than watch him waste away, we made the decision to euthanize. He didn't want to load in the trailer that day. And I almost just canceled our appointment. I cried the entire drive to the office, and as I type this out I am crying now.
I did not deal well with this and would cry for weeks following that day about how I had murdered him. I think because the day we went he was having a good day. But there were starting to be more and more bad days where his cancer would bleed and swell. His weight was dropping. Even now I feel like I'm talking myself into knowing I did the right thing. This is the hard part of loving animals.
He was such a kind and gentle soul. My step kiddo really learned to ride on him. He took care of friends on trails, my mom, M's mom, and I would take him for bareback strolls through trails. During those times I confided in him. Side note: The vet did okay us to ride him before you ask. His cancer was very confined to just his sheath and penis.
JJ helped raise Bash. He helped give me back some of my confidence. He was the black and white paint horse I'd wanted my whole life. And I will miss him for the rest of mine.
I know that now he's in green pastures, cancer free, no arthritis, running, and living his best afterlife. And one day I'll see him again.
Follow me on social media by clicking here.
